Mr. Inappropriate

Luckily my inappropriate patient is being discharged tomorrow. Here are some excerpts from our conversations today:

First session:

Patient: You look different today.
Me: My hair is wavey.
Patient: So, what you're saying is that you got out of the shower and didn't do anything to it, just let it kinda dry naturally (while shaking his head as if to toss his hair).
Me: Yeah, I guess...
Patient: Yeah, my wife does that sometimes, she says its easier.
Me: It is.

Second session of the day:

Me: I want to work on your standing tolerance. What would you like to do while you're standing?
Patient: I don't know. What do you want me to do? Dance? ...No, if you were older I'd tell you what I'd really want to do.
Me: Rob** that is not appropriate. We don't talk like that in therapy.
Rob to another patient: What can I say? I like women, thats what go me so many kids.
Me: ROB! That is inappropriate.
Rob: What, I'm not even talking to you, I'm talking to him!
Me: I know, but I heard what you said and it's inappropriate.
Rob: Everything to you is inappropriate. College kids talk about it all the time... you know that.
Me: Yes, but we're not at college. We're at therapy, and we don't say those things here.

**Pt's name is changed for his protection. ha


Rob ended up making designs on a peg board while standing. He dropped one. Because he has bad balance I told him not to get it, that I would get it for him. As I was bending over to pick it up he said "Can I have your cell phone number? That way when I drop something at home you can be there to pick it up for me?" I looked at the therapist that was sitting nearby and just gave her a look. I then told Rob that "I don't make house calls."


Rob is 79. Has had a "whole handful" of wives- those are his words, and "every one of 'em had a kid." He has 9 children. The youngest of which is 24. His wife is 22 years younger than he is, and they have been married for 30 years. I don't care if I'm 27 and single, you couldn't pay me to marry a man who is 49. Especially a man like Mr. Inappropriate.